The May slaughter also came during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which is sacred to millions of Muslims worldwide. People spend a significant part of this holy month in prayer, fasting, meditation, and trying to get closer to God, those are the things that are the highlights of the month. Many people who are not Muslims–especially those in the west like in the US–often wonder about everything they hear and see during this holy month of Muslims where a large portion of the world’s population fast from dusk till dawn, that is 29 or 30 days straight. One of such quasi-reluctant questions that are repeatedly brought to the fore is the "can we have sex if you are fasting during the month of Ramadan?" question?
The Simple Answer: It Depends on the Epoch
And to solve this problem in a straight forward way, the answer actually only depends on the particular time. Sexual activity is strictly forbidden during fasting hours, which begin at the break of dawn (Fajr) and continue until sunset (Maghrib). Necessary fasting abstinence is one of the basics in this spiritual act. This ban, however, is not so much a punishment, but rather a means of self-purification, of spirituality and of developing and maintaining a pure relationship both in mind and body between the mortal and the Divine. It is a fact that if one engages in junub sexual relations during those hours in which one has determined to fast then his fast for that day would become null, and he would have to make tawbah after that and fulfill its expiation, paying back the day he made kaffarah in another day.
But the rules change radically at iftar, when the fast is broken. From then on it is not only allowed but is also consider sunnah for couples to be intimate until just before dawn breaks (Fajr). Marriage is regarded as a ‘blessed’ relationship and rather than alienating a person from intimacy, Islamic teachings promote the importance of intimacy in reinforcing the bond of marriage. This dimension of life is a significant one and is not invalidated by the month of Ramadan: not while you are not fasting, at least – it is here too that a framework must be set that leaves room for this aspect of life and honours it. If fact, almost no one will choose to use male sex toys or female sex toys anytime.
Wisdom of the Decision: A Fine Balance and a Function
Indeed, it is not without a good reason that physical closeness is not allowed, during the hours of fasting in the day. This limitation underscores the two main purposes of the month of Ramadan: to teach self-restraint and to increase self-consciousness of God. [As we consciously control our affairs, by controlling our basic desires, such as eating, drinking and sexual relations during the day, Muslims learn to manage our cravings, and develop a greater understanding of those who are less fortunate and are often going hungry and lacking the daily necessities of life. This is a time of intense spiritual growth, additional worship, and stronger bonds with the Creator.
In contrast, the realism and moderation of Islam can be seen in that it permits intimate relationships after nightfall. It recognizes the human realities and the sanctity of establishing and preserving healthy loving relationships through marriage. Islam is a deen (way of life) and is very realistic about human nature, and is not in favor of extreme asceticism. It thus ensures that every aspect of Muslims' lives are in accordance with a balanced covenant between the demands of the profusion of spiritual depths and excess and the licit fulfillment of human pleasures. In this balancing act, needless suffering is reduced, and spirituality is viewed as a whole.
Critically important for spouses: While it is indeed permissible for couples to engage in intimate behaviour during the nighttime hours, there are a few critical considerations and nuances to keep in mind:
Intent as an Umbrella: Firstly, just as with any other acts of devotion, the mindset that couples bring to this action is paramount. Intimacy can indeed be devotional in the eyes of Islam if it is done with one’s marriage partner and with the right “intention” or Niyah. Second, no form of intimacy is appropriate if it is done without full understanding and, more importantly, the consent of both parties involved. Finally, as soon as intimate actions are completed, it is an obligation for both partners to perform a ceremonial bath known as Ghusl. This is required to “cleanse” oneself in an almost spiritual way, known as tahara, before performing other prayers, including the following day’s fast.
Worship at the Center: Even though it is permissible, it is crucial to realise that the spirit of Ramadan is about increased worship, contemplation, and seeking a closer connection to Allah. Instead, many Muslims spend the evenings of this month engaging in extra prayers, reciting the Quran, reflecting and meditating on the spiritual, and giving charity, even though the nighttime offer more opportunities for other actions. Ultimately, during this month, it is about reaping spiritual rewards.
Conclusion
At its core, Ramadan is about looking at life with an aware and moderated lens. It is a period of profound religious commitment and self-discipline, a time of spiritual enlightenment, even during the day, however, it allows the continuation of a healthy and loving married life during the non-fasting period. This testifies, however, to the integral position of Islam, whose sensibility to human life is such that it opens the spiritual quest and human necessity under the service of the divine.
